I give up. I'm hopeless. I can't have you.


Today I was stuck in one class for 4 hours taking the CAHSEE. PE came by smoothly. I owned at paddle ball! [= woooooo.
and then lunch; Me and Will shared a salad. idk what it was called, but it was SO GOOD.
and then after school, I have track. and he held my bag, and I went to dress out. then he had to go so I said "okay you text me when I get home right?"
and he said Yeah.
so I'm home, then I get mad at my parents..
UGH. and i told him i needed him..
and he never said anything back..
so I said "I need you? :("
and he said "no. u dont"



and some ishh happened, but I don't want to tell you stalkers anything.
well he didn't text me back.
and I guess I have to talk to him tomorrow.
I just don't know what to do anymore. it's so frustrating!
I don't think there's any chance with me and him..
no baby steps, nothing.
NEVER GIVE SOMEONE YOUR EVERYTHING BECAUSE ONCE THEY'RE GONE, YOU'LL HAVE NOTHING.
lesson learned.
I gave him more than my everything, and I can honestly say now that I do regret it.
I regret most things, but not everything.
he promised me so much.
that he will always find me.
I'm so lost, im stuck in a hole and I can never get out.



What do I do?




I feel like there is nothing left. My eyes hurt from crying, and I just remembered the date..


Today is February 3, 2009. On this same exact day 3 years ago, was the first time I went out with Will and how this all started..


a lot of shit. we got thru everything together.. UPS AND DOWNS. i thought he would try with me forever. I guess now I'm left with no smiles, just frowns :(


hah, that kinda rhymes.. whatever..





ARGHH, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE! I'm just complaining.. =/
fucking heartbreak. leaves me torn and I can't do anything. I just want to see him and make everthing better.
I know it's not a game. I can't press the "retry" button all the time.
I know it's not a movie, I can't rewind or fast-forward to where I want things to be.
I'm not GOD.
I'm just ME.
AND I'M STRONG TO GO THRU EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING NOW THAT I FEEL ALMOST ALL THE PAIN.



I'm not going to proof-read this. sorry if I have bad grammar or spelling or whatever. you get the point. BYE.